{"id":19814,"date":"2016-04-08T05:00:51","date_gmt":"2016-04-08T04:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/?p=19814"},"modified":"2016-07-11T14:09:17","modified_gmt":"2016-07-11T13:09:17","slug":"when-mai-meets-mai","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/2016\/04\/when-mai-meets-mai\/","title":{"rendered":"When Mai meets Mai"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>(English version below)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Voil\u00e0 des mois que j&#8217;essaie de vous \u00e9crire ce post. Je ne parvenais pas \u00e0 vous parler de mon c\u00e9libat, sans parler de plusieurs personnes (des tonnes au moins) qui n&#8217;ont pas demand\u00e9 \u00e0 \u00eatre cit\u00e9es, ni m\u00eame \u00e0 se reconnaitre ici, et j&#8217;aimerais \u00eatre d\u00e9licate et&#8230; \u00e7a n&#8217;est pas mon fort.<\/p>\n<p>Du coup, je ne vais pas vraiment vous parler de mes exp\u00e9riences mais de tout ce que le c\u00e9libat m&#8217;a appris. On tente l&#8217;affaire<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Apprentissage\u00a0n\u00b01 &gt;&gt;&gt; le c\u00e9libat,\u00a0\u00e7a fait chier<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Je me vois encore il y a 6 ans appelant mon fr\u00e8re en chialant ma m\u00e8re &#8220;mais je vais jamais retrouver quelqu&#8217;un. et puis j&#8217;ai deux m\u00f4mes, et puis&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/w0agkby.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-19809 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/w0agkby.gif\" alt=\"W0AGKby\" width=\"500\" height=\"263\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>(la suite du dialogue \u00e9tant :-when? &#8211; In 8 years!)<\/p>\n<p>Le frangin \u00e0 l&#8217;\u00e9poque ne pouvait pas s&#8217;emp\u00eacher de rire. Et de constater l&#8217;\u00e9cart \u00e9norme entre la vie de quelqu&#8217;un(e) vue par l&#8217;autre et la vie de ce m\u00eame quelqu&#8217;un(e) telle qu&#8217;il\/elle la vit, notamment lorsque l&#8217;il\/elle est guid\u00e9(e) de mani\u00e8re tr\u00e8s perverse par ses \u00e9motions : le propre du mal-\u00eatre c&#8217;est de\u00a0faire en sorte que \u00e7a dure&#8230; un max.<\/p>\n<p>Donc l&#8217;apprentissage n\u00b01 n&#8217;\u00e9tait pas tant le c\u00e9libat que l&#8217;image que je m&#8217;en faisais. Et pour moi le c\u00e9libat, c&#8217;\u00e9tait un truc de\u00a0losers.<\/p>\n<p>Et j&#8217;\u00e9cris ce post surtout pour celles et ceux qui souffrent de \u00e7a : de se sentir loser parce qu&#8217;ils sont c\u00e9libataires. En v\u00e9rit\u00e9, la lose, c&#8217;est surtout de penser \u00e7a. Comme Sally, et <a href=\"http:\/\/lamhua.com\/2012\/12\/21\/fin-de-relation-methode-par-la-relativisation\/\" target=\"_blank\">tant d&#8217;autres<\/a>, j&#8217;ai fini par arr\u00eater de chialer, comme elle et tant d&#8217;autres, je me suis mouch\u00e9e un bon coup, et puis j&#8217;ai pris le parti de Harry : me regarder avec tendresse &#8220;c&#8217;que t&#8217;es con quand tu dis n&#8217;importe quoi. mais qu&#8217;est ce que je t&#8217;aime quand m\u00eame.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Apprentissage\u00a0n\u00b02 &gt;&gt;&gt; le c\u00e9libat, c&#8217;est bath<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>j&#8217;ai plut\u00f4t v\u00e9cu de belles histoires. avec des mecs plut\u00f4t top. mais les relations \u00e9taient souvent de type &#8220;compliqu\u00e9&#8221; (on pourra trouver plein de sous cat\u00e9gories au type &#8220;compliqu\u00e9&#8221;, mais je vous laisse faire car je tente d&#8217;\u00eatre&#8230; d\u00e9licate).<\/p>\n<p>Du coup, le couple me prenait beaucoup de temps et d&#8217;\u00e9nergie, autant de temps et d&#8217;\u00e9nergie, que c\u00e9libataire, je pouvais d\u00e9dier \u00e0 de\u00a0l&#8217;exploration&#8230;<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"giphy-embed\" src=\"\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/1h0WRTSC97l4s\" width=\"480\" height=\"264\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/meg-ryan-orgasm-1h0WRTSC97l4s\">via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&#8230; YES!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Apprentissage n\u00b03 &gt;&gt;&gt; le c\u00e9libat, \u00a0c&#8217;est essentiel<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Outre mes &#8220;explorations&#8221;, je me suis dit que ce serait un temps d\u00e9di\u00e9 \u00e0\u00a0devenir quelqu&#8217;un&#8230; que j&#8217;aimerais bien!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_o1iv4becrf1qcf9xzo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19859\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_o1iv4becrf1qcf9xzo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o1iv4bEcrF1qcf9xzo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Vous connaissez mes nombreuses d\u00e9ambulations, interrogations, etc&#8230; mais le fond du fond, c&#8217;est que je ne m&#8217;aimais pas tant que \u00e7a. que je ne savais pas qui j&#8217;\u00e9tais, que je ne savais pas ce qui me plaisait v\u00e9ritablement. Alors pourquoi demander \u00e0 quelqu&#8217;un de le faire pour moi?<\/p>\n<p>Il \u00e9tait grand temps de grandir. Certains diraient de devenir une femme. C&#8217;est donc pass\u00e9 par des psy, en tout genre (classiques, corporels) des naturopathes, de la m\u00e9ditation en pleine conscience, de la <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2015\/06\/jaurais-danse-avec-yanis-marshall-enfin-derriere\/\" target=\"_blank\">danse<\/a>&#8230; du blogging! tout le temps que je n&#8217;accordais plus \u00e0 sauver un couple, je l&#8217;accordais \u00e0 grandir. Certains sont grands d\u00e9j\u00e0 jeunes, grandissent davantage encore depuis ce &#8220;centre&#8221; l\u00e0, mais pour ma part, \u00e7a n&#8217;\u00e9tait pas le cas. je devais assainir mille choses avant de pouvoir me d\u00e9velopper.<\/p>\n<p>Je crois que le point d&#8217;orgue a \u00e9t\u00e9 mon <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2014\/06\/je-respire-donc-je-suis-jai-teste-la-methode-mbsr\/\" target=\"_blank\">stage en MBSR<\/a>. Nous avions fini par une m\u00e9ditation de la bienveillance en nous\u00a0souhaitant tout plein de belles choses. J&#8217;avais tellement pleur\u00e9&#8230; tellement j&#8217;avais jamais pens\u00e9 \u00e0 me souhaiter de belles choses. Vous voyez ce que je veux dire? Depuis, <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2014\/10\/peace-love-and-headspace\/\" target=\"_blank\">je m\u00e9dite<\/a> peu, env. 1 fois par semaine, mais j&#8217;applique quotidiennement ce que j&#8217;ai appris lors de ce stage. Notamment \u00e0 ne pas m&#8217;identifier \u00e0 mes \u00e9motions n\u00e9gatives.<\/p>\n<p>Petit \u00e0 petit, je me suis sentie heureuse. enfin, je veux dire profond\u00e9ment heureuse. \u00e7a n&#8217;\u00e9tait pas qu&#8217;une check-list de choses qui allaient bien (&#8220;okay donc la sant\u00e9 \u00e7a va, les m\u00f4mes\u00a0\u00e7a va, le boulot \u00e7a va, les amis \u00e7a va, la famille \u00e7a va etc&#8221;), parce que la somme de choses qui &#8220;vont&#8221; bien, ne signifie pas une vie dans laquelle on &#8220;est&#8221; bien. Mais l\u00e0 oui, \u00e7a se pr\u00e9cisait,\u00a0c&#8217;\u00e9tait un sentiment tr\u00e8s simple de &#8220;je me sens bien&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>De ce noyau heureux, je me suis rendue compte que je ne d\u00e9sirais plus \u00e0 tout prix \u00eatre en couple. Et la bienveillance que je m&#8217;\u00e9tais offerte me prot\u00e9geais en quelque sorte de mauvais choix : j&#8217;\u00e9tais tellement bien dans ma vie que j&#8217;allais pas me faire chier avec un couple de type &#8220;compliqu\u00e9&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Et plus jamais je me retrouverais dans la partie 1 de ce post, ce qui m&#8217;am\u00e8ne \u00e0 la 4e partie dudit post.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Apprentissage\u00a0n\u00b04 &gt;&gt;&gt; le c\u00e9libat, \u00e7a fait chier<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19821\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mghz41wb6o1rzbvsto1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mghz41Wb6o1rzbvsto1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"263\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Comme le disait <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2015\/12\/sophie-fontanel-une-beaute-jaillissante\/\" target=\"_blank\">Sophie<\/a>, j&#8217;avais pour autant, pas l\u00e2ch\u00e9 l&#8217;affaire.<\/p>\n<p>Alors,\u00a0il y a eu cette conversation, ces dizaines de conversations sur le sujet. J&#8217;avais m\u00eame fait un diner meuffes avec 15 copines sur le th\u00e8me tr\u00e8s explicite :\u00a0&#8220;TROUVONS UN MEC A MAI&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>HAHAHAHAHA! (un ami m&#8217;a souffl\u00e9 la semaine derni\u00e8re que j&#8217;aurais d\u00fb faire ce diner avec des mecs). Ce qu&#8217;il en ressortait c&#8217;\u00e9tait 2 choses :<\/p>\n<p>&gt; Mai, &#8220;elle voit pas&#8221;. &gt; fallait donc que je &#8220;vois&#8221;. que j&#8217;am\u00e9liore mon awaresness, notamment de moi-m\u00eame. okay go.<\/p>\n<p>&gt; Mai, il lui faut un &#8220;vrai mec&#8221;. &gt; beh ils \u00e9taient pas en carton mes mecs! C&#8217;est pas tr\u00e8s d\u00e9licat ca! putain de merde, \u00e7a veut dire quoi un &#8220;vrai&#8221; &#8220;mec&#8221;?!! peut \u00eatre que je devrais devenir une &#8220;vraie&#8221; femme? mais putain de merde&#8230; \u00e7a veut dire quoi une &#8220;vraie&#8221; femme?<\/p>\n<p>d&#8217;autres personnes me disaient &#8220;le probl\u00e8me, c&#8217;est que tu es pas dispo \/ tu bosses trop \/ tu es trop libre&#8230; et sinon, avec de gros seins ce serait mieux\u00a0non?&#8221;&#8230; plus \u00e7a allait et plus je me disais &#8220;le probl\u00e8me c&#8217;est que&#8230;?!!!&#8221; alors vraiment c&#8217;est un probl\u00e8me? oui? non?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mz7bu55mpk1snzlfbo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19825\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mz7bu55mpk1snzlfbo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mz7bu55mPK1snzlfbo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"227\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>petit \u00e0 petit, j&#8217;arrivais \u00e0 me positionner par rapport \u00e0 ces points de (soit-disant) blocage. Parfois c&#8217;en etait mais parfois pas.<\/p>\n<p>Je me rendais compte, que ces g\u00e9n\u00e9ralit\u00e9s, visaient \u00e0 plaire \u00e0 &#8220;les&#8221; hommes. les hommes. en g\u00e9n\u00e9ral. Mais&#8230;\u00a0plaire \u00e0 &#8220;les hommes&#8221;, on s&#8217;en fout, non? \u00a0enfin, moi je me suis rendue compte que je m&#8217;en foutais car&#8230; il ne m&#8217;en faut qu&#8217;un.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_n7fsxd6bpp1qduh7lo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19826\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_n7fsxd6bpp1qduh7lo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n7fsxd6BpP1qduh7lo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Mille excuses si j&#8217;ouvre des portes ouvertes mais pour moi tout cela \u00e9tait une d\u00e9couverte et si \u00e7a peut servir \u00e0 un(e) seul(e) d&#8217;entre vous&#8230; ce serait cool; du coup, mon rapport aux hommes s&#8217;est beaucoup simplifi\u00e9 car je n&#8217;avais pas besoin de s\u00e9duire le moindre c\u00e9libataire (ou pas) h\u00e9t\u00e9ro (ou pas)(naaaannn???!!!! siiiiii!!!!) qui passait (on sait jamais, \u00e7a peut marcher). je me suis rendue compte que plein de mecs me plaisaient. c&#8217;\u00e9tait bien car cela me disait que je ne fantasmais pas quelqu&#8217;un qui n&#8217;existerait pas. malgr\u00e9 tout, il n&#8217;y avait jamais ce &#8220;je ne sais quoi&#8221;. et moi, je j&#8217;ob\u00e9is \u00e0 un principe de fluidit\u00e9 : si \u00e7a passe pas, eh bien, \u00e7a passe pas!<\/p>\n<p>Alors, plus tard,\u00a0un jour, j&#8217;ai dit \u00e0 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theotherartofliving.com\" target=\"_blank\">Sophie, Trem<\/a> cette fois-ci, &#8220;ay\u00e9, j&#8217;ai demand\u00e9 un homme \u00e0 l&#8217;univers.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(pour les formations express en demande \u00e0 l&#8217;univers, demander \u00e0 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.canalplus.fr\/c-humour\/pid8285-c-carte-blanche.html?vid=1372704\" target=\"_blank\">Jean Claude<\/a>, mon ma\u00eetre)<\/p>\n<p>et l\u00e0, elle me fait &#8220;un homme \u00e0 l&#8217;univers? \u00e7a veut rien dire, tu dois \u00eatre pr\u00e9cise. &#8220;un&#8221; homme&#8230;. pffff, \u00e7a veut rien dire &#8220;un&#8221; homme. Si tu fais une demande \u00e0 l&#8217;univers, faut la faire bien, et \u00eatre pr\u00e9cise&#8230; sinon \u00e7a marche pas.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>tout \u00e7a m&#8217;a pouss\u00e9e \u00e0 faire une demande \u00e0 l&#8217;univers&#8230; en bonne et due forme. Et en fait, MY GAD c&#8217;est tr\u00e8s, tr\u00e8s dur. nan mais alors vraiment tr\u00e8s tr\u00e8s dur. C&#8217;\u00e9tait tr\u00e8s dur tout simplement parce qu&#8217;il fallait oser&#8230; demander. Alors, encore une fois, je ne vais pas \u00eatre trop pr\u00e9cise dans ma liste perso mais pour vous donner un exemple, au d\u00e9but, je demandais quelqu&#8217;un qui m&#8217;accepte, qui accepte notamment mes d\u00e9fauts, mon bordel, ma folie, ma libert\u00e9&#8230; mes enfants. et puis apr\u00e8s, j&#8217;ai demand\u00e9 quelqu&#8217;un qui aimerait ces traits de ma personnalit\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>et puis, &#8220;accepter, accepter, beh il aurait qu&#8217;\u00e0 aimer tiens!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>je me suis donc m\u00eame carr\u00e9ment \u00a0permise ensuite de demander quelqu&#8217;un qui ne pourrait pas imaginer sa femme autrement.<\/p>\n<p>bref, et tout plein de choses encore. mais ce sera peut pour un autre post, non? Tout \u00e7a pour dire \u00e0 celles et ceux qui sont au fond du trou du c\u00e9libat (NON JE N&#8217;AI PAS ECRIT CETTE CHOSE DEGUEU) que leur situation leur permettra de grandir pour eux m\u00eame. et qu&#8217;\u00eatre heureux seul est la meilleure solution pour trouver quelqu&#8217;un qui vous aime, notamment pour \u00e7a.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve been trying to write this post for months. I was not able to talk about my singlehood, without mentioning several people (millions !) in the process, who did not ask to be mentioned, or even recognized here. I would love to be delicate and that\u2019s\u2026 not my forte.<\/p>\n<p>So, I will not really tell you about my experiences but more about what singlehood had taught me. Let\u2019s give it a try.<\/p>\n<p>Lesson 1 &gt;&gt;&gt; Singlehood sucks<\/p>\n<p>I remember myself from 6 years ago calling my brother or crying on the phone with my mother\u00a0: &#8220;I&#8217;ll never be able to find somebody\u00a0! And I have two kids. And and and &#8230; &#8221;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/w0agkby.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-19809 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/w0agkby.gif\" alt=\"W0AGKby\" width=\"500\" height=\"263\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n(The following dialogue follows: &#8211; When?\/ -In eight years!)<\/p>\n<p>At the time, my brother could not stop laughing. And let\u2019s pause here to note the huge gap between the perception of one\u2019s life by other people and the person\u2019s perception of her\/his own life, especially when she\/he is guided, perversely, by her\/his emotions: the distinctive feature of unhappiness is to ensure itself that it lasts &#8230; a maximum time.<\/p>\n<p>So lesson # 1 was not much about singlehood than the image that I had of it. And for me singlehood was a loser thing.<\/p>\n<p>And I write this post especially for those who suffer from it: who feel like loser because they are single. Truth is, to be a loser is mostly to think that. Like Sally, and <a href=\"http:\/\/lamhua.com\/2012\/12\/21\/fin-de-relation-methode-par-la-relativisation\/\" target=\"_blank\">many others<\/a>, I finally quit crying, and like her and many many others, I blew my nose and then I took Harry&#8217;s part: I looked at myself lovingly and said &#8220;You&#8217;re stupid when you talk nonsense. But I love you anyway.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Lesson 2 &gt;&gt;&gt; Singlehood is awesome<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve lived my share of stories. With rather rad guys. But the relations were of the &#8220;complicated&#8221; type (one can find plenty of sub-categories to the &#8220;complicated&#8221; type, but I\u2019ll leave that to you because I am trying to be\u2026delicate).<\/p>\n<p>Hence, living as a couple took me a lot of time and energy, so much time and energy that, as a single woman, I could dedicate to explore <iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"giphy-embed\" src=\"\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/1h0WRTSC97l4s\" width=\"480\" height=\"264\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/meg-ryan-orgasm-1h0WRTSC97l4s\">via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&#8230; YES!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Lesson 3 &gt;&gt;&gt; Singlehood is essential<\/p>\n<p>Besides my &#8220;explorations&#8221; I thought it was time I could dedicate to become someone &#8230; I&#8217;d like to be!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_o1iv4becrf1qcf9xzo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19859\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_o1iv4becrf1qcf9xzo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o1iv4bEcrF1qcf9xzo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>You know about my many wanderings, questionings, etc &#8230; but the bottom line is that I did not really like myself that much. I did not know who I was, I did not know what I really enjoyed. So how could I ask someone to do this for me?<\/p>\n<p>It was time to grow up. Some may call it to become a woman. So through counselling (different types of counselling\u00a0: classical, physical), naturopathy, mindfulness meditation, <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2015\/06\/jaurais-danse-avec-yanis-marshall-enfin-derriere\/\" target=\"_blank\">dance<\/a> &#8230; blogging! all the time that I used to dedicate to save a relationship, I would dedicate it to grow. Some are already mature in their youth and grow even more starting from this &#8220;core&#8221;. But for me, that was not the case. I had to purge thousands of things before, in order to develop.<\/p>\n<p>I think the highlight of my journey was my <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2014\/06\/je-respire-donc-je-suis-jai-teste-la-methode-mbsr\/\" target=\"_blank\">MBSR workshop<\/a>. We ended the caring meditation by wishing to ourselves all the beautiful things. And oh my, I cried so much &#8230; I had never thought of wishing positive things to myself. You know what I mean? Ever since, <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2014\/10\/peace-love-and-headspace\/\" target=\"_blank\">I meditate a bit<\/a>, let\u2019s say once a week, but I put in practice daily what I learned during the workshop. In particular\u00a0: not to identify myself with my negative emotions.<\/p>\n<p>Little by little, I felt happy. Finally. I mean deeply and utterly happy. It was not just a check-list of things doing well (&#8220;okay so health is great, the kids are doing great, my job is great, my friends are great, my family is great, etc&#8221;) because no amount of things being &#8220;great&#8221; can provide a life where &#8220;being&#8221; feels great. But then yes, it began to take form, it was a very simple feeling of &#8220;I feel good.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>From this happy nucleus I figured out that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship at all costs. And the caring that I was providing to myself was protecting me somehow from bad choices: I was so good in my life that I could not bother anymore with a relationship of the &#8220;complicated&#8221; type.<\/p>\n<p>And I never find myself again in the part 1 of this post, which brings me to the fourth part of it.<\/p>\n<p>Lesson 4 &gt;&gt;&gt; Singlehood sucks<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19821\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mghz41wb6o1rzbvsto1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mghz41Wb6o1rzbvsto1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"263\" \/><\/p>\n<p>But the thing is, as <a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/2015\/12\/sophie-fontanel-une-beaute-jaillissante\/\" target=\"_blank\">Sophie<\/a> has said it so well, in reality, I hadn\u2019t completely given up.<\/p>\n<p>So there was this conversation, these dozens of conversations on the subject. I even gave an all-girls dinner with 15 friends to discuss this very specific topic: &#8220;LET\u2019S FIND A GUY FOR MAI&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>HAHAHAHAHA! (A male friend suggested to me last week that maybe I should have done this dinner with my guy friends). What emerged were two things:<\/p>\n<p>&gt; Mai, &#8220;she doesn\u2019t see\u2026&#8221; &gt; So I had to &#8220;see&#8221; better. I had to improve my awaresness of things, including of myself myself. Okay go.<\/p>\n<p>&gt; Mai, she needs a &#8220;real man&#8221;. &gt; Fucking shit, what does that mean a &#8220;real&#8221; &#8220;dude&#8221;? !! maybe I should become a &#8220;real&#8221; woman? but holy shit &#8230; what does that ever mean to be a &#8220;real&#8221; woman?<\/p>\n<p>Others were saying that &#8220;the problem is that you are not available \/ you work too much \/ you&#8217;re too independent &#8230; and how about bigger breasts, things would be easier, right?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mz7bu55mpk1snzlfbo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19825\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_mz7bu55mpk1snzlfbo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mz7bu55mPK1snzlfbo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"227\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&#8230; more and more I was processing it this way\u00a0:&#8221;The problem is that &#8230;\u00a0!!!&#8221; then : &#8220;Is this really a problem? Yes? No?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Little by little, I managed to position myself against these so called blocking points.<\/p>\n<p>And I realized that these generalities were aimed to please &#8220;men&#8221;. Men in general. But who cares about pleasing&#8230;&#8221;men&#8221;, right? Finally, I figured out that I did not care because &#8230; it only takes one guy.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_n7fsxd6bpp1qduh7lo1_500.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-19826\" src=\"http:\/\/maihua.fr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/tumblr_n7fsxd6bpp1qduh7lo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n7fsxd6BpP1qduh7lo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Thousand apologies if I am just pushing at open doors here, but for me all this was a major discovery and if this can be useful to anyone of you out there &#8230; it would make me so happy.<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly, my relationship to men has become much more simple because I did not feel the need to seduce any single (or not) straight (or not) (no wayyyyyyyy !!!! ??? !!!! ahemmmm) guy passing by (you never know, it might work\u00a0!). I realized that there was a lot of guys I liked. It felt good because it was telling me that I was not fantasizing over someone who did not exist. But there was never this &#8220;je-ne-sais-quoi&#8221;. And I follow the fluidity principle: &#8220;if it does not feel well, well, it&#8217;s not happening!<\/p>\n<p>Later, one day, I said to Sophie <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theotherartofliving.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Trem, this time<\/a>, &#8220;I did it, I\u2019ve asked the Universe for a man.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(For quick lessons on how to ask the Universe for things, ask <a href=\"http:\/\/www.canalplus.fr\/c-humour\/pid8285-c-carte-blanche.html?vid=1372704\" target=\"_blank\">Jean-Claude<\/a>, my master)<\/p>\n<p>And there she was\u00a0: &#8220;A man from the Universe? That could be anything, you have to be specific. A man &#8230;. pffff, that doesn\u2019t mean a thing, &#8220;a&#8221;man. If you make a request to the Universe, you must do it well and be accurate &#8230; otherwise it does not work.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>All this led me to apply to the Universe &#8230; in a proper form. And actually, OH MY GAD it is very, very hard. No, but really, really hard. It was very hard simply because I had to dare to&#8230; ask. So, again, I will not linger on my personal list but to give you an example, at the beginning, I asked for someone who would accept me, with all my quirks, my mess, my madness, my freedom &#8230; my children. And then after I asked for someone who would love these traits of my personality.<\/p>\n<p>And then I was &#8220;Accept, accept, accept, meh\u00a0! How about if he\u2019d love me!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Then I even allowed myself to ask for someone who could not imagine the woman of his life eitherway.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it, in short, and there are many other things. But it would be good for another post, right? All this to say to those of you who feel at the bottom of the singlehood hole (NO, I DID NOT JUST WRITE THIS THING EWWW) that their situation will allow them to grow for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>And that being happy on your own is the best way to find someone who\u2019ll love you. For this, among other things.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(English version below) Voil\u00e0 des mois que j&#8217;essaie de vous \u00e9crire ce post. Je ne parvenais pas \u00e0 vous parler de mon c\u00e9libat, sans parler de plusieurs personnes (des tonnes au moins) qui n&#8217;ont pas demand\u00e9 \u00e0 \u00eatre cit\u00e9es, ni m\u00eame \u00e0 se reconnaitre ici, et j&#8217;aimerais \u00eatre d\u00e9licate et&#8230; \u00e7a n&#8217;est pas mon fort. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/2016\/04\/when-mai-meets-mai\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">When Mai meets Mai<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19975,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,5,32,14,15,8,30],"tags":[1147,794,795,1148,1146],"class_list":["post-19814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-amour","category-diary","category-exprimer-ses-desirs","category-feelings","category-lol","category-mon-chemin","category-vire-son-chemin","tag-celibat","tag-mbsr","tag-meditation","tag-single","tag-when-harry-meets-sally"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19814"}],"version-history":[{"count":43,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19814\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22242,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19814\/revisions\/22242"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19975"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}