{"id":22245,"date":"2016-07-12T06:00:27","date_gmt":"2016-07-12T05:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.maihua.fr\/?p=22245"},"modified":"2016-07-22T12:06:13","modified_gmt":"2016-07-22T11:06:13","slug":"le-celibat-comment-je-me-suis-arretee","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/2016\/07\/le-celibat-comment-je-me-suis-arretee\/","title":{"rendered":"le c\u00e9libat"},"content":{"rendered":"

english version below<\/em><\/p>\n

encore merci MERCI pour la grosse vague d’amour depuis vendredi<\/a>. tout \u00e7a est beau, trop beau! j’ai tent\u00e9 de r\u00e9pondre \u00e0 chacun de vos messages, quelque soit le support et esp\u00e8re n’avoir oubli\u00e9 personne. encore merci!<\/p>\n

alors on en \u00e9tait o\u00f9 d\u00e9j\u00e0?<\/p>\n

ah oui, mon c\u00e9libat<\/a>, mon c\u00e9libat\u00a0heureux? ah oui mon c\u00e9libat heureux?<\/p>\n

parce que bon… je suis toujours heureuse mais plus du tout c\u00e9libataire hein. mais du tout du tout! <3 <3 <3<\/p>\n

Alors, ce post n’est pas pour vous faire une annonce ni \u00e9taler mon bonheur (mais piting ce que je l’aime!) ni m\u00eame pour vous raconter comment \u00e7a s’est pass\u00e9 mais plut\u00f4t ce que \u00e7a m’a appris. parce qu’on avait parl\u00e9 du “fond du trou du c\u00e9libat<\/strong>” et je sais que certain.es se reconna\u00eetront et que \u00e7a leur parlera.<\/p>\n

le prenez pas non plus comme les 10 commandements \u00e0 suivre pour vous trouver l’amour. d\u00e9j\u00e0 parce que y en a que 5, et puis m\u00eame si \u00e7a existait, \u00e7a se saurait!<\/p>\n

Donc pour la faire courte, j’ai \u00e9cout\u00e9 mes amies car… moi m\u00eame j’ai reconnu ne rien y\u00a0comprendre. On a parl\u00e9 du diner de meuffes, je vous invite aussi \u00e0 faire un diner de mecs sur le th\u00e8me “trouvez moi un mec” (et inversement si vous \u00eates un mec)(h\u00e9t\u00e9ro)(et en crois\u00e9 pour les homos)(on se comprend).<\/p>\n

Je retiens 5 “non-commandements” donc, qui m’ont beaucoup aid\u00e9e :<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. le non-commandement\u00a0Meryl S. :\u00a0ETRE AMOUREUX.SE NE SUFFIT PAS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oui non ok, Meryl Streep n’est pas ma pote, mais dans Petites Confidence \u00e0 ma Psy, (comment tu connais pas Petites Confidences \u00e0 ma Psy?!), elle dit \u00e0 son fils ATTENTION SPOILER “tu vas tomber amoureux un certain nombre de fois dans ta vie, et c’est rare et beau, mais pour construire une vie avec quelqu’un, il faut beaucoup plus encore”. La puissance du truc! j’adore! Alors il faut quoi au juste?!!!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2. le non-commandement\u00a0Anne R. :\u00a0DESORMAIS, REFLECHIS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mes (tr\u00e8s) nombreuses ruptures m’ont amen\u00e9es \u00e0 me questionner sur le\u00a0choix des hommes pour qui je “tombais”. et en fait, sans cesse le m\u00eame “pattern” se r\u00e9p\u00e9tait, et donc si je continuais \u00e0 me fier \u00e0 mes \u00e9motions pures, eh bien j’\u00e9tais guid\u00e9es d’une mauvaise mani\u00e8re. donc r\u00e9fl\u00e9chir \u00e0 ce que je voulais, \u00e0 qui me correspondrait, \u00e0 qui me ferait r\u00eaver, au del\u00e0 du “feeling” m’a beaucoup aid\u00e9e \u00e0 rencontrer quelqu’un qui soit “vraiment” fait pour moi.<\/p>\n

R\u00e9fl\u00e9chir, r\u00e9fl\u00e9chir, vous allez pas trouver \u00e7a pas romantique et pourtant si \u00e7a l’est. vous allez voir.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3. le non-commandement\u00a0Thuy Nhan D. :\u00a0NE T’INQUIETE PAS, IL EXISTE<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00e0 force d’avancer dans cette r\u00e9flexion (nous avons parl\u00e9 de cette demande \u00e0 l’univers<\/a>), je voyais le champs des possibles se r\u00e9duire comme peau de chagrin, passant d’un horizon infini de mecs (enfin plusieurs milliards quoi) \u00e0 aucun… que je connaissais. et ma cousine ch\u00e9rie me disait tout le temps “mais attends si tu existes, il y a quelqu’un comme toi, pour toi, qui existe aussi. c’est logique.”<\/p>\n

c’est logique non? Mais… il est o\u00f9?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

4. le non-commandement Truc-Anh H. :\u00a0VA VOIR AILLEURS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bah ouais, c’est logique, tu as des cercles d’amis, y compris avec des c\u00e9libataires dedans, y compris avec des flirts, des “plans”, des gens franchement bien, mais peut importe, \u00e7a marche pas. c’est pas fluide. Alors il faut changer ses habitudes, ne pas faire les m\u00eames choses, avec les m\u00eames personnes. Et naturellement, si tu es en recherche sur toi-m\u00eame, tu vas aller dans des lieux, des cercles qui ont les m\u00eames int\u00e9r\u00eats que toi. Ce sera moins confort qu’une soir\u00e9e meuffes mais \u00e7a va te nourrir qu’il y est rencontre ou pas.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

5. le non-commandement Mai H. :\u00a0DEVIENT UNE FEMME<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bah oui, apr\u00e8s tout, je peux me compter comme une amie non?! Anne, m’avait dit, aussi, “toi, il te faut un homme”, donc pour \u00e7a, je devais \u00eatre une femme. grosso modo, me concernant, \u00e7a a consist\u00e9 \u00e0 devenir une personne, une individue, qui d\u00e9passe le stade de\u00a0petite fille. Vous savez, ce petit \u00eatre qui fait tout ce qu’il faut, tout bien, pour \u00eatre aim\u00e9e?\u00a0(OHLALALA \u00e7a vaut un post entier \u00e7a!)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

en r\u00e9sum\u00e9, pour la fiche technique :<\/p>\n

1. ne\u00a0pas uniquement chercher le “thrill” de la rencontre, <\/strong>car en fait quand tu VEUX te mettre en couple, ce thrill il arrive trop\u00a0facilement, tellement tu VEUX que \u00e7a arrive.<\/p>\n

2. r\u00e9fl\u00e9chir v\u00e9ritablement \u00e0 ce qui me convenait. <\/strong><\/p>\n

3. faire confiance et l\u00e2cher prise. <\/strong><\/p>\n

4. prendre des risques <\/strong><\/p>\n

5. devenir une femme adulte<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Et puis voil\u00e0, j’ai rencontr\u00e9 un homme incroyable, que je vous pr\u00e9senterai bient\u00f4t. Vous allez me demander : correspond il \u00e0 ta demande \u00e0 l’Univers? et je vous dirais oui et non. oui totalement, dans ce qui \u00e9tait essentiel (pour moi). et non dans ce qui ne l’\u00e9tait pas. comme par hasard.<\/p>\n

Et si je vais plus loin, je dirais que tout ce qui correspond dans cette demande, c’est ce qui se passe dans le temps pr\u00e9sent, les sensations, les valeurs, le bien-\u00eatre ressenti, profond, l’admiration mutuelle… ce qui ne correspond pas \u00e0 ma demande \u00e0 l’univers sont tout ce qui est de l’ordre du projectif genre, “on aura une porshe ensemble”… mouahahhaha, nan j’ai pas demand\u00e9 \u00e7a, mais\u00a0vous comprenez.<\/p>\n

en fait je n’ai pas eu l’homme que je “voulais” mais celui qu’il me “fallait”.<\/p>\n

et en fait, cet homme, je n’ai pas eu de thrill en le rencontrant. enfin pas “ce” thrill. et c’est pour cela qu’il y a eu une v\u00e9ritable rencontre. et non l’inverse. et je l’ai rencontr\u00e9\u00a0dans une p\u00e9riode o\u00f9 je ne cherchais plus, car j’\u00e9tais heureuse “comme \u00e7a”. et que l’essentiel pour moi n’\u00e9tait plus d’\u00eatre en couple mais d’\u00eatre heureuse. \u00eatre en couple, en vrai, c’est pas si dur. \u00eatre “heureux dans un couple”, \u00e7a hahaha, \u00e7a oui \u00e7a devient int\u00e9ressant.<\/p>\n

Finalement, c’est comme si j’avais pris\u00a0un chemin toute seule et que plus j’avan\u00e7ais et plus j’\u00e9tais seule (de moins en moins d’option quoi). et qu’au bout, il y avait un paysage, cette colline d\u00e9gag\u00e9e et magnifique, que j’\u00e9tais seule l\u00e0. Que je m’\u00e9tais arr\u00eat\u00e9e, seule, mais que je n’avais plus peur. j’\u00e9tais juste bien. l\u00e0. sur la colline. et qu’au bout d’un moment, je me suis rendue compte qu’on \u00e9tait 2 sur cette colline, lui venant d’un tout autre lieu, mais regardant dans la m\u00eame direction. (bon c’est pas romantique \u00e7a?)<\/p>\n

c’est parce que je m’\u00e9tais rencontr\u00e9e moi-m\u00eame que j’ai pu rencontrer Jerry.<\/p>\n

oui en fait, je vous l’ai d\u00e9j\u00e0 un peu pr\u00e9sent\u00e9… ;D<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n

SINGLE LIFE<\/strong>
\n Or how I ended it<\/strong><\/p>\n

Again thank you, Thank you for the overwhelming love since Friday<\/a>. That is beautiful, just beautiful! I tried to respond to each of your messages, regardless of the media and hope to not have forgotten anyone. Thank you again!
\nSo where did we leave it off?<\/p>\n

Oh yes, my single life<\/a>, my happy single life? Oh yes my happy single life?<\/p>\n

Because well\u2026.I am still happy but no longer single. Like not at all! <3 <3 <3<\/p>\n

Well this post isn\u2019t to tell you about nor to shamelessly display my happiness (but dammit I love him!) neither to recount how it went down but more so what it taught me. Because we talked about \u201cthe rock bottom of single life<\/strong>\u201d and I know that some of you will recognize yourself and that this will resonate with you.<\/p>\n

Do not read into this like the 10 Commandments to find love. To begin with there is only 5, and that if it really existed, the world would know!<\/p>\n

So for the short version, I listened to my girlfriends because\u2026I myself must admit to not understanding anything. We talked about the girl\u2019s dinner, I invite you as well to do a guy\u2019s dinner with the theme \u201cfind me a BF\u201d (and in reverse if you are a guy)(straight)(and mixed for gays)(we understand each other).<\/p>\n

I will select 5 \u201cnon-commandments\u201d which greatly helped me<\/p>\n

1. The Meryl S. non-commandment: BEING IN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH<\/strong>
\nYes, no, ok, Meryl Streep isn\u2019t my BFF but during little chitchat with my shrink, (how do you not know of the little chitchatting with my shrink?!), she tells her son SPOILER WARNING \u201cyou\u2019re going to fall in love a bunch of times in your life, and it\u2019s rare and beautiful, but to build a life with someone, it takes much more\u201d. The power of this thing! I love it! So what exactly more do you need?!!!
\n2. The Anne R. non-commandment: FROM NOW ON, THINK<\/strong>
\nMy (very) numerous break-ups brought me to question myself on the choices of men I \u201cfell\u201d for. In effect without stopping to repeat the same pattern and continuing to trust my emotions, well I was wrongly guided. So to think about what I wanted, who would be my match, who would make me dream, beyond that \u201cfeeling\u201d greatly helped me to meet someone who was \u201ctruly\u201d made for me.<\/p>\n

Think, think, you are not going to find that very romantic and yet it is. You will see.<\/p>\n

3. The Thuy Nhan D. non-commandment: DON\u2019T WORRY, IT EXISTS<\/strong>
\nAs you move forward in this thought process (we talked about asking the universe<\/a>), I would sadly see the field of possibility shrinking, moving from one infinite horizon of men\u2019s (a few billions at least) to none\u2026that I know. And my darling cousin used to tell me all the time \u201cbut if you exist, there is someone like you, for you, that exists as well. That\u2019s logical.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s logical you might say? But\u2026 where is he?<\/p>\n

4. The Truc-Anh H. non-commandment: GO SEE ELSEWHERE<\/strong>
\nWell yeah, it\u2019s logical, you have this circle of friends, including singles, including flirts, including \u201cone night stands\u201d, frankly great people, but whatever, it doesn\u2019t work. It\u2019s not smooth. So you have to change your habits, not do the same thing with the same people. And naturally if you are in that process of finding yourself, you will go to places and circles that have the same interests as you. This will be less comfortable than a girl\u2019s night but will fulfill you whether or not you meet someone.<\/p>\n

5. The Mai H. non-commandment: BECOME A WOMAN<\/strong>
\nWell yes, after all, can I count myself as a girlfriend no?! Anne also told me, \u201cyou, you will need a man\u201d, therefore I must be a woman. More or less, in my case, it consists of becoming a person, an individual that grew beyond being a little girl. You know, that little being who does everything necessary, everything perfectly well, to be loved? (Ohlalala that\u2019s material worth an entire post!)
\nIn summary, for the instruction manual:<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t only look for the \u201cthrill\u201d of the chase<\/strong>, because in fact when you want to be in a relationship, the thrill will arrive easily, because you WANT it so much.
\n2. Think truly about what works for you.<\/strong>
\n 3. Trust and let go.<\/strong>
\n 4. Take risks.<\/strong>
\n 5. Become an adult woman.<\/strong>
\nAnd there you go, I met an incredible man who I will introduce to you soon. You are going to ask me: is he the Universe\u2019s answer to your question? I would say Yes and no. Yes totally, in what was essential (for me). And no, in what wasn\u2019t. Randomly enough.<\/p>\n

And if I go deeper, I would say that everything that fits in this question, is what is happening in the present time, the feelings, the value, the well-being I feel, the depth, the mutual admiration\u2026what does not fit in my question to the Universe is everything about our future, like \u201cwe will have a Porsche together\u201d\u2026\u2026muahahahahaha, nah I didn\u2019t ask that but you get it.<\/p>\n

As a matter of fact I didn\u2019t get the man that I \u201cwanted\u201d but the man that I \u201cneeded\u201d.<\/p>\n

As a matter of fact, this man I didn\u2019t have the thrill when I met him. I mean not \u201cthat\u201d thrill. And it is because of it that it was a real meeting. And not the reverse. I also met him during a period where I was no longer looking, because I was happy \u201cas is\u201d. And what was essential for me wasn\u2019t to be in a relationship but to be happy. To be in a relationship, truly, isn\u2019t that hard. To \u201cbe happy in a relationship\u201d, that hahaha, that yes does become interesting.<\/p>\n

Finally, that is like I took a road all alone and the more I progressed the lonelier I was (meaning less and less options). And at the end, there was this open scenery and magnificent hill and I was alone there. That I stopped, alone, but that I was no longer afraid. I was just happy. Right there. On the hill. And after a moment, I realized that we were two on that hill, him coming from a whole different place, but looking together in the same direction. (Isn\u2019t that romantic?)<\/p>\n

It\u2019s because I found myself that I could find Jerry.<\/p>\n

Indeed, I guess I already introduced him a little bit\u2026 ;D<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

english version below encore merci MERCI pour la grosse vague d’amour depuis vendredi. tout \u00e7a est beau, trop beau! j’ai tent\u00e9 de r\u00e9pondre \u00e0 chacun de vos messages, quelque soit le support et esp\u00e8re n’avoir oubli\u00e9 personne. encore merci! alors on en \u00e9tait o\u00f9 d\u00e9j\u00e0? ah oui, mon c\u00e9libat, mon c\u00e9libat\u00a0heureux? ah oui mon c\u00e9libat … Continue reading le c\u00e9libat<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":22257,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,5,32,22,15,8,30],"tags":[1147,1184],"class_list":["post-22245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-amour","category-diary","category-exprimer-ses-desirs","category-lacher-prise-sur-les-imperfections","category-lol","category-mon-chemin","category-vire-son-chemin","tag-celibat","tag-jerry-hyde"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22245"}],"version-history":[{"count":39,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22245\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22403,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22245\/revisions\/22403"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archives.maihua.fr\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}