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Future ex-Perfectionnist

February 21, 2017 mai Leave a comment

Hello ya all,

wanted to talk about this thing that is really important to me. The desire for perfection. I mean the one that I have been practicing (because it is actually offered under many different shapes).

I just read a book about vulnerability; I will get back to it, where the author Brené Brown speaks succinctly about the ideal of perfection, the ideal that is not the one of excellence. The perfection comes from the need of outside validation and the excellence is from the desire of doing the best we can as depending on your own value.

Perfection is without a doubt a trap in which many of us are falling into unintentionally and if my experience can help a few to change direction, then that would be good. This post is also for a few of us (I wanted to write “you” of course but will leave this revealing slip where it belongs) who have asked me about this question of “how to stop being/act like a little girl” because many little girls, and I was one of them, grow up with the idea that they had to be perfect.

To match the expectation of others (being beautiful, intelligent, funny, humble, or even, imperfect… codes are evolving) is a trap in many ways.

1- i built myself like a shell, that was perfect but empty.

Obviously I wasn’t empty but it took me 30 years to understand and to go check out what was “inside.” Spending my time to be performant was my favorite sport. And I was incredibly good at it (yes, otherwise it doesn’t work right?!) At the same time it was a matter of survival. And yes kids take these things very much at heart… then I could only invest in fields where I performed extremely well (school, my look). Impossible however to read because I found myself too slow, impossible to sing because someone told me I sounded off tune, Impossible to play croquet until I was 30 years old because I couldn’t bear the idea of missing the arches. (Holy crap I was severely challenged).

2- I thought that being successful was to be “amiable.”

So if the goal, unconscious is to perform then that means that unconsciously there is a valorization system (that is indeed exterior) to validate performance. At 28 years old, I was married with a man I loved, intelligent, successful and magnificent. I was beautiful, kind, helpful and pregnant. I had diplomas and I was sufficiently free to leave L’Oréal to go back to school. More importantly for creative studies. Everything was lining-up. Everything was perfect. And I was so happy. And without challenging either the sincerity of my actions or my feelings, I was fulfilled because it was, still unconsciously, a series of achievements that were making me “objectively amiable”. This is where I talk to the little girl which maybe you can’t seem to leave behind: a child only needs one thing: to be loved. So the desire of perfection is basically a desire to be loved. This is why we continue, it is because we believe it the way we could be loved. but be careful if that works as a child, then once we become an adult… hehehe things are getting more complicated because…

3- The perfect child becomes a potentially toxic adult.

To think that perfection opens the gates of love is a false idea. Because if you read the previous paragraph again, it was mostly the gates of my ego that I was opening. Do you know the saying “too big for your own boots?”

Well whist I found myself frankly amiable (yep everything was perfect. Per-fect!). When in fact I was absolutely detestable.

Because where the ego is large… the consciousness and therefore the Other is necessarily very small.

Tâm was born and it became even worst: well yes she was perfect! We often think that people who “aren’t well” are tortured and cry all day. Well, no I was frankly in a bad way and frankly happy. I mean no, I wasn’t happy, but I thought I was. I felt something of the order of an immense satisfaction, very powerful and of protection as well. (Since I was unassailable?) Yes that’s it, my head was too big and I lost touch with reality.

So what should happen happened. My two best friends came one day to tell me “we don’t recognize you, you have become incredibly egocentric, we are fed-up and hurt, do you even realize that you said and did this, this and that?!”

And all of sudden, this arrow pierced me, and all of sudden I saw. This, this and that too. And all of sudden…

… De-vas-ta-tion.

4- Not being totally perfect but being totally lost.

What followed was a 6-month depression where I cried night and day, I was devastated for 3 reasons. Tâm was 2 months and he didn’t deserve that. This was the most awful but let’s not spread on that.

The 2 others reasons concerned more directly to the conflict and the object of my post. The first was because my friends were hurt due to me and the idea of being responsible for it was unbearable. But the second evidently was an ego wound. I couldn’t stand the idea that they thought “this” of me. No I wasn’t a bad person.

Because you weren’t allowed to think negatively of me. I who was doing everything great, who validated anything.

However… light came on in the cave. And it was all but pretty. A whole world was crumbling.

5- The relapses

A whole world takes time to rebuild itself, so we do and redo the same mistakes before we fully comprehend. I then didn’t wait long: right away.

I then came back with a long and beautiful letter. Taking consideration of this double devastation. Or evidently, the second part was practically taking the entirety of the letter (since my ego was taking my entirety)(logical) where I was “justifying my results.” Do you see where I am heading?

I didn’t understand. So they answered me: “you don’t understand.” It was so painful. But it was justified and life saving!

Because at this time, there is one thing that nobody cares about, it’s your (high) opinion (of yourself); what counts is your actions. It’s your actions that shows who you are. Not your opinion. And if someone tells you “you are hurting me” and that you respond “I am a good person.”, you can see that the action is off base, and still toxic (because while not talking about the pain of the other, you are in denial!). Ah the beautiful letter! I should have instead written an ordinary mail that simply said “how are you? I am so sorry and ask for your forgiveness. thank you for being sincere. I miss you and I love you, and I want to do everything to make amends. Forgive me.”

But of course such a message is only possible if the ego wound has been healed beforehand which wasn’t the case.

6- Grow

They didn’t let go. Me neither and we were finally agreeing: the issue was not on them, the issue was not our relationship, the issue was me. or at least a part of me. It was like an inner battle between my two selfs: my ego and everything else. this “everything else being my deep sorrow and maybe… my values. Who was I deep down?

Because despite the pain, what really saved me, us, were my uncompromising friends and my deep love for them: their wellbeing truly mattered to me. It was our affection and our mutual sadness too. Because at least it was true. And

the truth, as painful as it can be, is still the only space deserving to rebuild a relationship.

It happened a few times after this episode that I acted in an egotistic manner, by lack of consciousness, of discernment: and consequently 11 years went by to really comprehend what happened, to peel off the layers, to revisit and to find words. Profound changes take time.

And today my ego hasn’t totally vanished, we’ll talk about it again, but I learn to tame this dark side of me, at least in recognizing it when it surfaces (well as soon as the feeling of power comes back).

The ego is not bad in itself either. I wouldn’t be doing everything that I am doing here without a minimum of ego, but well…

But if it is easier for to get my ego to the right place, i still suffer from the “perfectionistis”, in other shapes, with other traps. once again profound changes take time.

But this painful episode made me grow and I think that one must accept the pain if one want change, because building is so strong that it cannot be shattered in gentleness.

I would even say that this episode saved my life, because it valued my very essence beyond my (dys) function.

And I don’t know anything more precious than to look, to listen to the Other. I have hunger for her, of the present time which presents itself to us like a gift, my turn to feed them, as well.

and my friends are still there, and our bond is so strong, because it is so true.

In any case if you recognize some signs (yes, frankly it is an illness), for yourself or your closed ones (your daughters?) well know that it’s urgent to do something, for yourself like for the Other. Because this Other, is precisely where love is possible, true and great. And this Other, could be your friend, your child, your soul sister… or yourself indeed We all have a responsibility toward our own kind. This world of perceived perfection is a world of illusion and life won’t miss an opportunity to let you know.

I especially would like to tell you that there is an after and much more, that you are “worth” much more than that… if there is the desire to change. And that even if nothing holds its value in the same way afterwards, if it is never “perfectly” over, it’s much more beautiful. It is a picture where you accept to look so awful because it makes us laugh so so much. It’s 11 years later, some chocolate on Tâm’s teeth, it’s simply… life!

Thousand of kisses.

DIARY, mai COLORS, mai ORDERS

Color

February 17, 2017 mai Leave a comment

The other day, I was asked by Garnier to write a text about color for the launch of a hair product. I thought to myself that this part of the text could interest you. Tell me !

“I often introduce my classes by telling my students the following story: if you watch a film in black and white, you’ll understand the whole story and all the subtleties of the emotional relationships between the different characters. You don’t need colors to tell a story.

Autumn trilogy Se fondre dans le décor ???#maicolors

Une publication partagée par Mai Hua (@mai_hua) le 28 Oct. 2016 à 9h44 PDT

In that sense, color is kind of a bonus, a free gift. This idea of a gift is also there in the fact that everyone can wear color. Regardless of your measurements, your age, your skin tone or the original color of your hair. You can love and wear any color that appeals to you.

In some cases, your hair can become the most visible color on your entire body. And in some sense, coloring it is about making it part of you again. It’s about playing with who you are in your image, but also with other people, because color is the first thing the eye sees before it sees shape or cut.“

You like it?

Loads of kisses !

COMMANDES, COULEURS, DIARY

Couleur

February 17, 2017 mai 56 Comments

L’autre jour, Garnier m’a demandé d’écrire un texte sur la couleur pour le lancement d’un produit pour les cheveux. et je me suis dis que cette partie du texte pourrait vous intéresser. dîtes moi!

“J’introduis souvent mes cours en racontant à mes élèves l’histoire suivante : si vous regardez un film en noir et blanc, vous allez comprendre toute l’histoire, toute la subtilité des sentiments partagés entre les différents personnages. Les narrations n’ont pas besoin de couleurs pour se faire. Dans ce sens, la couleur est une sorte de gratuité, de don. Une sensualité, une sensibilité qui vous relie à l’œuvre, à l’autre, à la vie. Un paysage qui vous émeut sans rien avoir à vous raconter.

orange et blanc frappés sur asphalte orageux. quelle lumière incroyable!???

Une publication partagée par Mai Hua (@mai_hua) le 16 Févr. 2017 à 10h05 PST

Et c’est ce « luxe », qui me plaît tellement dans la couleur. Lors de ma première formation sur les couleurs, je me rappelle être sortie en ne voyant plus le monde de la même manière, plus de ciel mais des camaïeux de bleus, plus de table mais des assemblages d’ocres et de bruns, plus de narration ni de concept ni de projection, mais du don et de la gratuité, à l’instant présent! La couleur telle que je la conçois, que vous la portiez sur votre visage, vos cheveux, vos vêtements, vos murs, oui la couleur je la conçois dans cette gratuité. Car dans cette gratuité (un pantalon noir coûte aussi cher que le rouge, la couleur “ne coûte rien”!) il y a de l’envie, du désir, une célébration de la vie et de la beauté. On lâche prise, on s’ancre dans un bonheur présent et abondant, on n’a plus peur de rien. On s’exprime véritablement… ENFIN!

paysage corse a quelques minutes d’intervalle

Cette idée de don se retrouve aussi dans l’universalité des personnes pouvant porter les couleurs. Quelque soit vos mensurations, votre âge, votre couleur de peau, votre couleur originelle de cheveux… Vous pouvez aimer et porter toutes les couleurs qui vous chantent. La chevelure peut même devenir dans certains cas la couleur la plus visible de votre corps entier. On peut donc chercher de la naturalité, mais aussi opter pour un parti pris fort qui va se porter comme une parure couronnant la tête. La chevelure, qu’elle soit argentée, rouge, noir, auburn, châtain… fait à la fois partie du corps, tout en s’en détachant. Cela m’a toujours fasciné cette autonomie de la chevelure, par rapport au reste du corps. Cette sorte de sillage coloré. Et quelque part, lui offrir une couleur, c’est se la réapproprier, et anoblir toute la silhouette d’une incroyable présence.

C’est jouer avec soi, son image, mais aussi jouer avec l’autre car la couleur, avant la forme, la coupe, est la première chose que l’œil voit.”

Autumn trilogy Se fondre dans le décor ???#maicolors

Une publication partagée par Mai Hua (@mai_hua) le 28 Oct. 2016 à 9h44 PDT

ça vous plait?! etc etc

allez je vous embrasse fort, et pars donner un cours à l’IFM justement! souhaitez moi bonne chance! mouah!

DIARY, mai JOURNEY

Grayson Perry

February 14, 2017 mai Leave a comment

Hell YEAH!

So finally here are my reading notes about the beautiful book written by Grayson Perry. Thank you again for all your comments and shares of his video. Here is more to nourish your thoughts and conversation about the subject.

The Descent Of A Man was written after numerous other thought, performances, installations about masculinity, but also, after a year of “touring” classic and “glorious” masculinity strongholds (bank, boxing clubs… jails)

I use quotes on quotes because naturally Grayson’s demonstration will be to highlight that whatever the socio-professional environment is, masculinity strongholds are places where no feelings, emotions, relationship… happiness exists. In other words the first victims of classic masculinity are men themselves. I think that this point is important because Grayson’s goal is less to lash out or condemn but rather to contribute to a better world, happier, fairer. And if men don’t understand that it’s in their own interest to change, they won’t do it. If they don’t understand that their rate of suicide is 5 times higher than women, that they finish in prisons 10 times more etc. If they don’t see the danger of their own culture, they won’t change it. It’s another point of view with respect to the classic feminism practice by women (give us equality goddamn it!), which certainly holds it’s ground but doesn’t touch as many men as it should, I shall say.

I LOVE THIS!

Here’s a few chapters that excited me :

> the Default Man

Right now we talk a lot about this class of white men… It’s worth a shot to view it thru Grayson’s lens. Politics, business, but also artistic, movies, etc. The man by default is at the helm of our entire society. They all dress the same from the bank teller to Obama (well, there is subtle differences, but go to New Guinea and there you will see some real differences)… they are the invisible landscape of our society. Because he drives it from all angles, the default man is the foundation of our society.

> The White Working Middle Class is actually a Community

By being at the foundation as well as the helm of our society, he doesn’t realize that 1/he is actually a minority, 2/that the entire society is made for the success of one of his own kind.

Therefore a banker who happens to be successful will say that it’s because he worked harder and was smarter, without realizing that it’s the whole structure set up by the community that allowed him to perform in such a way.

> … an “othering” culture

Since the default man is not aware of anything, he thinks that society standards are “objective” even though he is the one who enforced them. He doesn’t see that he is the pure product of a culture and performance (in both ways, scenic and goal oriented).

therefore he thinks that people who aren’t aligned with those said objectives are “below.” Yes, for example, they will say that women are hysterical, although it’s him who is incapable of managing his own emotions (and that’s why the world he created has completely eradicated them).

The default man is necessarily at the center of it all, will spend his time “othering” (push off center) those who aren’t or do not manage things like him (the large majority of people).

I loved this concept of “othering”… and I find that it applies to many relational problems.

> We are all Unconsciously Integrating the Default Man Codes

We talked about it with my post about the man, we love to see our fighting daughters (like boys), we aren’t ready at all to see our boys wear dresses (like girls). Sam Roddick, the creator of Coco de Mer talks a lot about women misogyny.

Sometimes, we tell ourselves we are feminist but we aren’t really that much… what would happen to the planet if we were educating our kids without gender?

> The Huge Issue with Classic Masculinity is of Course Violence

It’s true, why not address this issue at the national or trans-national? The victims of the masculinity culture are humongous, from a human, social and financial point of view. I like that a man asks himself why doesn’t the government do anything? (bah because it is governed by default man… indeed).

> The Answer Would Be to get out of this Emotional Illiteracy

There again is another genius concept for a terrible reality. We teach boys very early not to cry, not to be weak. And it’s the best way for them to actually become weak. Jerry often tells me that there is nothing more dangerous than a wounded boy in a grown man’s body.

We hammer it down again. Learn that vulnerability to boy is the key to their personal development, as an individual, as a member of society. LETS GO!!!!

> Some Tenderness

I will talk about Jerry and his work very soon, because he has been managing a men’s group for about 20 years. So when Grayson asked him what was the key value that linked the men from all his different groups, Jerry said without hesitation: tenderness. And without being a man, I told myself, yes indeed masculine tenderness, this form of fraternity, yes it’s talking to me.

So I hope that it’s also talking to you. This book is available in English only and I hope that my non-English friendly readers will have enough food for thought with this post. For the others I highly recommend reading this and sharing conversations with your entourage whether they are men, women or children!

Have a beautiful day.

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DIARY, un CHEMIN

Grayson Perry

February 14, 2017 mai 31 Comments

Hell YEAH!

Merci pour tous vos commentaires sur l’artiste Grayson Perry ! Certain.es m’ont dit avoir carrément pris des notes, et bien, en voilà plus pour vous ! Car Grayson a publié un bouquin assez génial, Descent Of A Man sur ses observations et analyses de la masculinité contemporaine (voulez-vous dire… dépassée ?!).

Evidemment les résonances avec l’actualité sont immenses.

Alors je fais ce post pour vous donner envie de le lire, mais aussi pour les non-anglophones qui ne pourront malheureusement pas y accéder car ce livre n’est pour l’instant publié qu’en anglais.

The Descent Of Man a été écrit après de nombreuses autres réflexions, performances, installations sur la masculinité, mais aussi, après une année de “tournée” dans les bastions de la masculinité classique et “glorieuse” (la banque, les terrains de boxe… les prisons).

je mets entre guillemets car évidemment la démonstration de Grayson va être de montrer que quelque soit le milieu socio-pro, les bastions de la masculinité sont des lieux où il n’existe ni sentiment, ni émotion, ni relation… ni bonheur. Autrement dit, les premières victimes de la masculinité classique sont… les hommes eux-mêmes. Je pense que ce point est important car le but de Grayson est moins de fustiger ou de condamner que de contribuer à un monde meilleur, plus heureux, plus juste. Et si les hommes ne comprennent pas qu’ils ont intérêt à changer, ils ne le feront pas. s’ils ne comprennent pas qu’ils se suicident 5 fois plus que les femmes, finissent 10 fois en prison etc, s’ils ne voient pas le danger de leur propre culture, ils ne la changeront pas. c’est une autre point de vue par rapport au féminisme classique pratiqué par les femmes (donnez-nous l’égalité merde!), qui certainement se défend mais ne touche pas autant d’hommes qu’il le faudrait. il faut bien le dire.

J’ADORE!

Voici quelques passages qui m’ont enthousiasmée :

> the Default Man ou Homme par Défaut

On parle beaucoup de cette classe d’hommes blancs en ce moment… ça vaut le coup de la regarder dans l’oeil de Grayson. politique, entreprise, mais aussi scène artistique, cinéma etc… L’homme par Défaut est à la tête de toute notre société. Ils s’habillent tous pareil, du premier employé de banque à Obama (enfin il y a des subtilités, mais partez en Papouasie et là oui, il y de vraies différences)… ils sont le paysage invisible de toute notre société. Puisqu’il la dirige de toute part, l’homme par défaut est le fondement même de toute notre société.

> The White Working Middle Class is actually a Community

En étant à la base comme à la tête de la société, il ne se rend pas compte que 1/ il est en fait minoritaire, 2/ que toute la société est faite pour la réussite d’un des siens.

Ainsi, un banquier qui réussit dira que c’est parce qu’il a travaillé davantage et été plus intelligent, sans se rendre compte que c’est toute la structure mise en place par sa communauté, qui lui ont permis de performer de cette manière.

> … an “othering” culture – La culture de L’autre

Comme l’Homme par Défaut ne se rend compte de rien, il pense que les standards de la société sont “objectifs” alors même que c’est lui qui les a imposés. il ne voit pas qu’il est le pur produit d’une culture et d’une performance (dans les 2 sens, scéniques et objectif à atteindre).

il pense donc que les personnes ne répondant pas à ces objectifs sont “en deçà”. oui, par ex, ils diront que les femmes sont hystéros, alors qu’en fait c’est lui qui se montre incapables de gérer ses propres émotions (c’est bien pour cela que le monde qu’il a construit les a totalement éradiquées).

l’Homme par Défaut, nécessairement au centre de tout, va passer son temps à “othering” (mettre hors du centre) ceux qui ne sont pas ou ne gèrent les choses comme lui (la majorité des gens).

J’ai adoré ce concept du “othering”…. et ça marche pour beaucoup de problèmes relationnels je trouve!

> nous intégrons tou.tes, inconsciemment, les codes du Default Man

nous en avons parlé lors de mon post sur l’homme, nous adorons voir nos filles combattantes (comme des garçons), nous ne sommes pas du tout prêt.es à voir nos garçons s’habiller en robe (comme des filles). Sam Roddick, créatrice de Coco de Mer, parle beaucoup de la misogynie des femmes.

Parfois, nous nous disons féministe mais ne le sommes pas tant que ça… qu’adviendrait il à la planète si vraiment nous éduquions nos enfants sans genre?

> le problème immense de la masculinité classique est évidemment la violence

c’est vrai pourquoi ne pas adresser ce problème à des niveaux nationaux ou trans-nationaux? les victimes de la culture masculine actuelles sont énormes, d’un point de vue humain, social, financier. J’aime qu’un homme se demande pourquoi le gouvernement ne fait rien? (bah parce qu’il est gouverné par des Default Men… indeed).

> la solution serait de sortir de cet illétrisme émotionnel

Là encore un concept génial. Pour une réalité terrible. On apprend très tôt aux garçons à ne pas pleurer. à ne pas être faible. C’est pourtant la meilleure manière pour qu’ils le deviennent. Jerry me dit souvent qu’il n’y a rien de plus dangereux qu’un petit garçon blessé, dans le corps d’un homme adulte.

On le re-martèle donc, apprendre la vulnérabilité au garçon est une clé de leur développement personnel, en tant qu’individu, en tant que membre d’une société. ON Y VA!!!!

> Some Tenderness

je vous reparlerai de Jerry et de son travail très vite, car il dirige des groupes d’hommes depuis près de 20 ans. Alors quand Grayson lui a demandé quelle était la valeur clé regroupant les hommes de ses différents groupes, Jerry a répondu sans hésiter : la tendresse. Et sans être un homme, je me suis dit, tiens oui, la tendresse masculine, cette forme de fraternité, oui ça me parle.

voilà! j’espère que ça vous parle à vous. le livre n’est pour l’instant disponible qu’en anglais et j’espère que les lecteurs.rices non anglophones auront assez de grains à moudre avec ce post. pour les autres, je vous conseille vivement cette lecture et toutes les discussions et partages avec votre entourage ensuite, qu’il soit homme, femme ou enfant!

Belle journée

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OUT OF THE BOX, PORTRAITS

Fatima

Video February 10, 2017 mai 53 Comments

HEY YO !

Je suis très émue de vous présenter Fatima, pour ce nouvel OUT OF THE BOX. Je l’ai rencontrée sur un tournage pour Kerastase en novembre dernier, et elle m’a franchement bouleversée. émotionnellement, mais intellectuellement aussi. Je la regardais évoluer, marcher dans cette coopérative qu’elle avait rêvée et construite, accompagnée de son mari, parlant et riant avec « ses » femmes. Wahou !

1- Fatima m’a montré comme j’avais tord

Je me suis rappelée l’affaire du voile il y a 20 ans. Comme j’étais contre. Comme j’étais con peut être aussi. Désolée d’enfoncer des portes qui me paraissent ouvertes aujourd’hui et ça n’est pas la première fois que je filme et mets en avant une femme portant le voile, mais je voulais vous re-dire qu’on peut être voilée et bien plus féministe qu’une femme en body, soit disant libérée.

Parfois on est sincère, mais on se fait des idées qui sont fausses. Parce qu’il nous manque parfois la conscience des choses. La discussion, la rencontre qui nous montre de nouveaux horizons. J’aime bien avoir tord, ça fait avancer.

2- de la différence entre Succès et Réussite

C’était beau aussi, cette rencontre, parce que je filmais des bloggeuses incroyables, hyper « cotées », hyper belles, hyper successful. Mais à ce moment là, quelque chose d’autre parlait. Quelque chose de l’ordre de la réussite. La réussite de cette femme, voilée donc, et de toutes ces femmes si modestes, si heureuses. C’est pas pour minimiser l’importance des premières, au contraire, on peut avoir les 2, et Yoshiko, Marie-Laure, Jamie et Samantha ont d’ailleurs certainement été choisies justement parce qu’elles réussissent autant à être successful qu’à imposer leur propres valeurs, leurs quêtes personnelles. c’était beau, on était toutes ensemble tellement émues. Donc voilà, ça m’a fait réfléchir sur cette dualité succès/réussite. L’un peut aller avec l’autre mais vu comme ça, la réussite me paraît être une ambition bien plus grande. Car elle se fait sur des normes qui seraient miennes et non extérieures à moi. Le succès vient d’une validation extérieure, souvent quantifiable (mensurations, diplôme, argents, nombre de likes, de followers, etc); la réussite couronne un désir de réaliser ses propres rêves.

3- La valeur du travail réside dans la valeur donnée aux humains qui le réalisent

Je voyais ces femmes trier des noix, puis les casser à la main. Arf, pas franchement le rêve d‘une femme occidentale. Et en même temps, je les voyais rire ensemble, heureuse et remplie de gratitude pour Fatima. Et ça m’a fait réfléchir sur notre relation au travail que l’on réduit souvent à l’intérêt des tâches à accomplir (je me rappelle en Ecole de Commerce, cette obsession du « job INTERESSANT »). Il n’en est rien, la valeur d’un travail devrait avant tout être une opportunité pour valoriser l’humain.

4- Le féminisme n’est pas qu’une affaire de femmes

Ces derniers temps (et ça va pas s’arrêter là), nous parlons beaucoup de féminisme et de droits de la femme. Je suis à 100% pour. Mais j’aimerais que l’on considère aussi cette idée que le féminisme est un projet de SOCIETE (mêlant femmes, hommes et enfants)(on parle de la loi sur la fessées bientôt ?!) plus global que l’égalité entre hommes et femmes. Et ça m’a touché que le père et le mari de Fatima la soutiennent et se battent pour elle et ses, leurs idées. Le féminisme ne pourra avancer que si les, nos, mecs ne sont sensibilisés à « notre », « cette » lutte.

5- Il faut accepter la réalité d’une violence pour la combattre

Quand Fatima nous racontait les difficultés qu’elle avait rencontrées au début de son projet, je me suis dit “mais quelle femme!” Sans doute manquons nous parfois de force pour mener nos combats parce qu’une partie de celles ci vont dans l’acception de l’inacceptable “comment c’est possible?” “c’est vraiment dégueulasse” “hein quoi, il/elle n’a pas le droit” etc… toute notre énergie passe dans notre dégoût, notre colère (légitimes), il ne reste alors rien pour continuer la lutte. et l’on baisse les bras. Fatima semblait nous dire “oui c’était difficile, mais les gens étaient ignorants, ça faisait partie de ma tâche de les convaincre, quelque soit leurs réactions”. Quelle claque.

Travaillons dur pour accéder à nos rêves!

Au déjeuner, je regarde (encore) Fatima et lui dis :

« – quel est le rôle de ton mari ici ?

– il est le gérant (dans son accent inimitable)

– et toi alors ?

– hé ! moi, je suis la Présidente ! »

SU-BLIME !

Merci infiniment à Fatima pour nous montrer ce chemin. Merci aussi à Kérastase qui m’a donné confiance sur ce projet très long et très ambitieux (allez voir ma vidéo pour eux). Et sans faire trop de promo, j’aimerais vous dire quand même que l’huile bio d’argan fabriquée par la coopérative de Fatima est l’un des ingrédients principaux de leur nouvelle ligne de soin naturel, Aura Botanica, et que les produits sont absolument dingue (je ne me sépare plus du duo shampoing/soin). et que nous avons un poids et une responsabilité en tant que consommateurs (c’est le désir des consommateurs qui guident les marketeurs… allez, allez!)

J’espère que ce nouvel OUT OF THE BOX vous plait, vous fait réfléchir, tanguer. J’attends vos réactions avec grande impatience. Et si vous aimez, et bien n’hésitez pas à partager, discutez-en avec vos familles, vos ami.es, vos enfants, vos hommes etc…

Mille mille bises !

OUT OF THE BOX, PORTRAITS

Fatima

Video February 10, 2017 mai Leave a comment

(activate English subtitles)

HEY YO !

I am very touched to introduce you to Fatima for this new edition of OUT OF THE BOX. I met her on a shooting for Kerastase last November, and quite frankly she shattered me emotionally but also intellectually. I was watching her evolve, cruising in this co-op that she and her husband dreamed and built, talking and laughing with “his” women. Wahou!

1. Fatima showed me that I was wrong.

I remembered the story of the veil twenty years ago. As I was against it. As I was a bit stupid as well. Sorry to bust down doors that seem to be open by now and it’s not the first time that I film and feature a veiled women, but one can be covered and way more a feminist then another so called liberated women in tight revealing clothes.

Sometimes we are sincere, but we make up unfounded ideas, because what we are sometimes missing is the consciousness of things. The conversation, the meeting that opens up new horizons. I like being proven wrong, it helps to move forward.

2. There is a difference between Success and Accomplishment.

And this meeting was also beautiful because I was filming a group of incredible bloggers, super hype, super gorgeous, super successful. They were successful, but something else seemed to be gathering us at that very moment… maybe the accomplishment of this covered women and all these women so humble, so happy. Not to minimize the importance of the first ones, you can have both, and it was quite obvious, Jamie, Yoshiko, Marie Laure and Samantha have been chosen because they have achieved both success and accomplishment, pushing there personal quest, singularities and desires forward. It was very beautiful, we were all so emotional sharing bred and tea together. So there you have it, it made me think about this duality success/accomplishment. One can go with the other but viewed from this angle, accomplishment seemed to be a much larger goal. Because it’s build upon foundations which are mine and not foreign to me. Success comes from an outside validation, that is oftenly measurable (body measurements, diplomas, money, followers, likes etc…) , Accomplishment from a desire to fullfil your own dreams.

3.The value of work is based upon the value given to the human achieving it.

I was watching these women sort out nuts then break them by hand. Aww not really the dream of a western woman. And at the same time I was watching them laugh together and being filled with gratefulness toward Fatima. And it made me think about our relation to work which is often confined to the accomplishment of tasks (it reminds me that when I was in business school there was this obsession of the ”INTERESTING” job). It means nothing… the value of a job should be first and foremost the opportunity to value the human.

4. Feminism is not just women’s business.

Lately (and it won’t stop here), we taked a lot about feminism and women’s right. I am 100% for it. But I would also like that we consider this idea that feminism is a society project (mixing women, men and children)(we’ll soon be talking about a spanking law!?) more global than just equality between men and women. And it touched me that Fatima’s father and her husband are supporting her and are fighting for her ideas. Feminism can move forward only if our guys are made aware of “our”, “this” fight.

During lunch I watch Fatima (again) and tell her:

“- What is your husband role here?

– He’s the manager (in her inimitable accent)

– What about you then?

– Well, me I am the President!”

SU-BLIME!

Infinite thanks to Fatima to show us the way. Thank you also to Kerastase who trusted me on this very long and ambitious project (go see my video for them). And without too much promotion, I would like to tell you that the organic Argan oil made by Fatima’s co-op is one of the principal ingredient of their new natural care line Aura Botanica, and the products are absolutely nuts (I can’t live without the shampoo/care duo)(and we consumers all have responsibilities)(and can drive and change things because marketers are driven by OUR desire).

I hope you will like this new OUT OF THE BOX, that it will make you think, sway. I await your reactions anxiously. And if you like don’t hesitate to share, talk about it with your family, your friends, your kids, your men, etc.

thoushand of kisses!

DIARY, mai JOURNEY

Tsigo

February 7, 2017 mai Leave a comment

Hello you!

I’m not sure if you know but for the past year I have been sharing office space with my darling Lisa. I mean, sharing might be a big word, because I am there 3 times a month at most but still, my office is there and my little team can meet there whenever it pleases them.

As you also know my assistant Julie had a little boy, Tsigo, who made us all tear at Christmas. She sometimes also works for Lisa and when I asked her what she wanted to do after her pregnancy leave, we all understood rather quickly that without hoping for too much that she would like to stay with him as much as possible. So we organized a part-time schedule. In short Julie works from home and at the office with Tsigo! Which means that whether he laughs, cries or sleeps, this little bundle of joy goes from arm to arm all day long at the lemonade studio.

And I find it wonderful that Lisa and her entire team welcomed this baby with such joy (Tsigo is such a heartbreaker!) even though sometimes he cries, right…!

Some goodness Yoohoo!

The other day I was shooting for Sephora and the team didn’t have any issue either with this baby sharing our day. So therefore it was smooth and joyful.

I never heard of such thing and wanted to tell you that this possibility exists, that solidarity is not an empty word and that the gestures of each can change the life or others. That Julie and Tsigo, are incredibly lucky to be able to follow their desire of staying together. We have a first baby only once in a lifetime and I am really happy that our work environment is also an environment where the human stays a priority.

Thousand kisses.

DIARY, un CHEMIN

Tsigo

February 7, 2017 mai 42 Comments

Salut toi !

Je ne sais pas si vous savez, mais je partage depuis 1 an les bureaux avec ma Lisa chérie. Alors partager est un bien grand mot, puisque je dois m’y rendre 3 fois par mois tout au plus, mais quand même, mon bureau est là-bas et ma petite équipe peut s’y retrouver quand elle le désire.

D’un autre côté, comme vous le savez, mon assistante Julie a eu un petit gars, Tsigo qui nous a donné la chiale à Noël. Elle travaille aussi parfois pour Lisa et quand je lui ai demandé ce qu’elle désirait faire pour son retour de congé mat’, on a vite compris qu’elle aimerait sans trop oser y croire garder son petit autant que possible. On a donc mis en place un mi-temps. Bref, Julie travaille chez elle, avec Tsigo, comme au bureau, avec Tsigo ! A ces moments là du coup, le bout de choux, qu’il pleure, ou rit ou dorme, passe de bras en bras toute la journée au Lemonade Studio.

Et je trouve magnifique que Lisa, et toute son équipe accueillent ce petit avec autant de plaisir (Tsigo est tellement craquant !) et de compréhension (mais parfois il pleure hein… !).

De la bonté. Wahou !

L’autre jour j’étais en shooting pour Séphora et l’équipe n’avait pas de pb non plus à ce que cet enfant partage notre journée. Et du coup, c’était doux, et joyeux.

Je n’ai jamais entendu parler d’une telle chose et voulais vous dire que cette possibilité existe, que la solidarité n’est pas un vain mot, que les gestes de chacun peuvent transformer la vie des autres. Et que Julie, comme Tsigo, ont donc la chance inouïe de pouvoir suivre leur désir de rester ensemble. On n’a un premier môme qu’une fois dans sa vie ! et vraiment je suis heureuse que le cadre du boulot soit aussi un cadre où l’humain reste une priorité.

Mille bises

DIARY, mai JOURNEY

Cocorico

January 30, 2017 mai Leave a comment

Ola que tal? This gloomy era we are living in, will not prevent me from wishing you a happy new year. Those who follow this blog know how much I love this specific moment.

Like every year, daddy has prepared his delicious caramel porc dish. Like every year, he was wearing new clothes on, and waiting his children and grand children with emotion, with traditional red envelops filled with money.

This year, we had to call Truc-Anh and Pénélope, who were in Vietnam. it is working well too.

I love this tradition that invites us to create this first week as we would like to live the whole year after.

So, like every year, no great resolutions, but rather simple actions, tenderness and support.

Like every year, but even more than ever, let us try to make more love.

I wish you a happy happy new year to you all.